Thinking about refinancing my VA mortgage, curious what others are doing

That “no out of pocket” pitch is classic—like the financial world’s version of “the first one’s free.” You’re spot on about the math. Lenders love to roll those costs into the loan, but it’s just a longer, quieter way to pay. I’ve seen folks get dazzled by a lower monthly payment, only to realize later they’re paying thousands more over time. Kudos for running the numbers yourself... not everyone does, and it really does pay off (pun intended).

Definitely agree with you on the “no out of pocket” pitch—seen it a million times. Here’s how it’s played out for me and some clients in the past:

- I’ve watched buyers get really excited about the idea of zero upfront costs. It sounds good, right? But when we look at the loan docs, those fees are just hiding in the principal. That monthly payment might look better, but the total paid over 15 or 30 years… yikes.
- I had a buddy who refinanced his VA loan last year. He was thrilled about saving $120 a month. Fast forward to the closing table, and he realized he’d be paying an extra $8k over the life of the loan because of rolled-in costs. He still went for it, but I’m not sure he’d do it again.
- Sometimes, rolling in costs makes sense—like if you plan to sell or refinance again in a few years. But if you’re sticking around long-term, those fees add up fast.
- I always suggest folks ask for a breakdown: what’s being paid now vs. what’s getting spread out over time? It’s a pain to dig through all that paperwork, but it’s worth it.
- Not every lender is trying to pull a fast one, but they’re definitely not going to highlight how much more you’ll pay long-term unless you press for details.

I get why people go for the lower payment—cash flow matters. Just gotta be sure you’re not trading a short-term win for a long-term loss. Seen too many folks get caught off guard by that.

Funny thing is, sometimes I feel like the only one who actually reads those amortization tables... but they tell the real story.

You nailed it with the “no out of pocket” pitch being more of a shell game than a true deal. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had to walk clients through the fine print, and it’s always the same story—those costs don’t disappear, they just get buried. The lower monthly payment is tempting, especially if you’re feeling squeezed, but it’s like putting your lunch on a credit card and telling yourself you saved money because you didn’t pay cash.

One thing I’d add: lenders love to focus on the monthly savings, but rarely do they show you the break-even point. If you’re only saving $100 a month but it costs you $6k in fees, you’re not actually ahead until year five. And if you move or refinance again before then, you’re underwater. I’ve seen folks refinance every couple years and just keep stacking fees on top of fees—by the time they actually pay off the house, they’ve paid way more than they ever expected.

I get that sometimes rolling in costs is the only way to make it work, especially if cash is tight. But I always tell people to ask for a side-by-side comparison: what does it look like if you pay the fees upfront vs. rolling them in? And don’t just look at the payment—look at the total interest paid over the life of the loan. That’s where the real cost hides.

Funny enough, I’ve had clients who were shocked when I showed them the amortization schedule. “Wait, I’m paying HOW MUCH in interest?” It’s not fun math, but it’s the only way to see the full picture.

Bottom line: refinancing can be smart, but only if you’re clear-eyed about the numbers. Don’t let a slick pitch about “no out of pocket” distract you from what you’ll actually pay in the end. Sometimes the best move is to wait, save up for closing costs, and keep your long-term costs down. Not flashy, but it works.

If you’re only saving $100 a month but it costs you $6k in fees, you’re not actually ahead until year five.

You really summed up the “no out of pocket” thing perfectly. I’ve seen so many people get lured in by that line, thinking they’re somehow getting a free lunch. Like you said, “those costs don’t disappear, they just get buried.” It’s wild how often folks overlook the long-term math just because the monthly payment drops.

I totally agree with your point about the break-even. That’s one of the first things I look at when someone asks if a refi makes sense. If you’re not planning to stay put for the full break-even period, you’re basically paying for someone else’s commission. It’s easy to get tunnel vision on the $100/month savings, but if you’re shelling out $6k in fees, it’s not really a win unless you stick around long enough.

One thing I’d add—sometimes people underestimate how much rolling fees into the loan can impact your total interest paid. I’ve run the numbers for friends, and the difference over 30 years can be thousands more than they expected. It’s not always obvious until you look at the amortization schedule, which, yeah, is a real eye-opener for most.

I get that sometimes you just don’t have the cash for closing costs, and in those cases, rolling them in might be the only way forward. But like you said, it’s about being clear-eyed. I always tell people to ask themselves if they’re likely to move or refinance again soon. If there’s any chance, it’s probably smarter to wait or save up.

It’s not the most exciting advice, but being patient and looking at the total cost really does pay off. The slick “no out of pocket” pitch just doesn’t hold up when you see the numbers in black and white.

Honestly, I think you nailed it with this:

It’s easy to get tunnel vision on the $100/month savings, but if you’re shelling out $6k in fees, it’s not really a win unless you stick around long enough.

One thing that surprised me was how quickly those “rolled in” costs add up over the life of the loan. It’s not just the $6k—it’s the interest on that $6k for 30 years. When you look at the amortization schedule (which, yeah, is a total reality check), sometimes you’re paying double or more for those fees by the end. It’s kind of wild how lenders gloss over that part.

That said, I do get why some folks go for it anyway. Not everyone has several grand just sitting around for closing costs. Sometimes it’s about making things work in the short term, especially if cash flow is tight or there are other priorities. But I wish more people would slow down and look at their own timelines instead of just focusing on the monthly payment.

Here’s something I’ve been wondering—has anyone here actually paid points to buy down their rate on a VA refi? I’ve heard mixed things about whether it makes sense given how long most people actually stay in their homes these days. For me, paying extra upfront always felt risky unless you’re super confident you’ll be sticking around for a decade or more. Curious if anyone ran those numbers and found it worthwhile?

I guess at the end of the day, it all comes down to how long you’ll stay put versus how much those upfront costs will really save you over time. Sometimes waiting or even just making extra payments toward principal can put you further ahead than chasing a slightly lower rate with a bunch of fees attached...