Honestly, I’ve found that if you approach lenders with a clear list of questions—like, “What’s this specific fee for?”—you can usually get more info, but yeah, some just stonewall. I don’t think pushing back respectfully ever really tanks your deal, unless you’re super aggressive about it. If a lender gets cagey or annoyed when you ask for transparency, that’s kind of a red flag in itself. Has anyone actually had a lender retaliate or drag their feet after negotiating fees? I’ve never seen it happen, but maybe I’ve just been lucky...
I've pushed back on fees a few times, and honestly, I've never had a lender outright retaliate or slow-walk the process because of it. Most of the time, if you’re clear and polite about what you’re asking, they’ll just explain or occasionally even waive something minor if you catch an error. The only time I ever felt a lender got a bit frosty was when I questioned their “processing fee” that seemed to appear out of nowhere—suddenly, emails took longer to get answered. But even then, the deal didn’t fall apart; it just felt like they were less enthusiastic.
I think you’re right that if someone gets defensive or dodgy about explaining fees, that’s a warning sign. In my experience, reputable lenders don’t mind breaking down every line item—they know it’s part of the process and that buyers are more informed these days. The ones who get weird about it are usually either inexperienced or trying to sneak something through.
One thing I’ve noticed: smaller lenders or brokers sometimes have less flexibility with fees because they’re working off tighter margins, so they might push back harder if you try to negotiate. But even then, I’ve never seen them retaliate in any meaningful way—worst case, they just say no.
If you ever feel like someone’s dragging their feet after you question fees, it’s probably worth considering whether you want to work with them at all. There are enough options out there that you shouldn’t have to put up with games. At the end of the day, transparency is pretty much non-negotiable for me... If someone can’t be upfront about costs now, what else are they hiding?
Couldn’t agree more about transparency being non-negotiable. I’ve had lenders get a little cagey over “admin” or “doc prep” fees, which always sets off alarms for me. If they can’t walk you through every charge, that’s a red flag. Funny enough, I’ve actually had better luck with some of the bigger institutions—they’re usually more standardized and less likely to tack on weird one-off fees. Smaller brokers can be great, but you’re right, their margins are tight so sometimes there’s less wiggle room. Either way, if someone starts dragging their feet after you ask questions, I just move on... too many options out there to deal with that kind of attitude.
If they can’t walk you through every charge, that’s a red flag.
Couldn’t agree more, but I’ll add—sometimes even the “walkthrough” is just a bunch of jargon. My rule: if I can’t explain the fee to my grandma, it’s too complicated. Also, don’t forget to ask about stuff like courier fees or “processing” charges. Those little ones add up and nobody likes a surprise at closing.
Totally get where you’re coming from about the jargon—sometimes it feels like they’re just trying to confuse you on purpose. I always tell people to watch out for “admin” or “document prep” fees too. Ever notice how those can be wildly different from one place to another? I once saw a “mailing fee” for $75...for an email. It’s wild. Do you think some of these charges are just padded in because they assume buyers won’t question them?
